One thing I was not prepared for….well actually there were many things I was not prepared for post-divorce, but most were panic inducing items. What I should have said was ….one of the most humorous albeit slightly annoying things I was not prepared for post-divorce was the dating game. Not that I have really embarked on it…at least with any gusto. Admittedly, since my divorce, I have “trust issues” which may be a bit of an understatement….If keeping my heart protected by enough keys to protect Fort Knox is considered an understatement??? But trust notwithstanding, I am still trying to figure out how and who I want to be at this time, although everyone from my handyman to my brothers keep asking me “So…are you seeing anyone?” But I digress…Many of my friends who apparently do not feel the need to keep their heart under enough locks and keys in a chain long enough to rival Jacob Marley, have turned to online dating! Yikes…if I ever remotely entertained that thought, all I needed to do was spend one or two nights talking to one of my aforementioned friends and I would toss my laptop in the garbage. Yes…it is THAT obnoxious.
The women are bad enough. I mean my normally intelligent friends are reduced to giggling school girls when they talk about their recent dates or new “boyfriends”. And isn’t that a funny term at our age…”boyfriend” …But seriously they go on and on about “he said this” and “I said that” and…. insert giggle…”he is sooo funny” insert even more annoying giggles. They tell me everything as though we were at a high school slumber party only at that point in my life, I was actually interested. Now they assume I want to hear all about their dinner date, movie date or worse…..gulp……what transpired later…. To be honest, when I was in my teens or early 20’s my friends’ sexual exploits were interesting, exciting and occasionally educational. But hearing about two senior citizens doing the horizontal mamba?? Not so much…. I mean, I’m happy for them, but I really don’t need a play by play description of how sex has changed in the last 30 plus years! Then when the inevitable breakup occurs, I have to relive teen angst yet again only this time it’s coming from a grown woman and it’s really not pleasant. To hear someone who used to be smart, self-confident and well, interesting to be around, go on and on about “what” he did, or “why” he did it is painful. It is even worse when after they regale you with stories of how these men broke their hearts, then they say through mascara stained, yet hopeful smiles “Should I call him??” “Maybe we can work it out” ….. What???? But to be fair, many women who were divorced during middle age, suffer from security issues. Their husbands likely left them for younger women, women without children, responsibilities, stretch marks and wrinkles, or their marriage was miserable for awhile and their husbands either destroyed their confidence or worse…ignored them. So I guess part of me can understand why it is so easy to fall for the first guy who comes along and says the right things. But come on gals….you’re better than this!!!!
Then there are the men…. the majority of whom turn out to be senior citizens who are only interested in sex. Now, even though I grew up in a strict Italian Catholic household, I am actually not a prude.I mean I enjoy physical intimacy as much as the next woman…Did I really say “physical intimacy”?? I meant sex…there…I said it…although I guess I mean making love, because to me, sex means making love, which I most definitely enjoyed. But making love means being intimate with someone you if not love, then definitely care for, and in that case, the act of “sex” is or should be a mutual act designed to not only bring pleasure but express feelings. And yes I liked it and I admit, there are times, a lot of times actually, that I miss it……BUT….when did “dating” become all about just sex…no intimacy, no caring just sex?? Okay…maybe I am a prude! My friends tell me that many times one of the first things that come up in conversation on that first fateful date is “I am only interested in a sexual relationship.” Or….”Do you go to bed with men on the first date?” or some other variation on the theme. I guess I am discriminating, but I can’t help it….Aren’t teenage boys the ones with raging hormones?? I guess the difference here is that the men at least ask first, rather than attacking you in the front seat of their fathers’ Ford, as was common in my day….But honestly? Why do men of most any age, see sex as the” be all and end all” of relationships? Don’t they want to talk? To laugh? To share thoughts and ideas? To get to know you?? To perchance even care for you first?? To take the time to really enjoy that first kiss or first warm hug that brings the promise of what is to come?? Okay, Okay…..I’m definitely a prude…..
My friends tell me there are many theories about this. First is the emergence of viagra….a nasty little pill that once taken, must be utilized?? Or at the very least, viagra allows a man to …ummm…relive those hormonal teenage years?? Another theory is that some men see this as a last hurrah…a final chance to show his virility? I personally don’t know.
My first real foray into the dating field, was with a guy I met at work shortly after my divorce.I thought he was older than he was…he thought I was younger than I was….I realized after less than an hour we had absolutely nothing in common, but my friends urged me to ‘give it a chance”. I did, kind of… But it became increasingly apparent that other than being flattered that a younger man found me interesting and attractive, there was nothing there. I realized it would never work when one day he sent me a text….the text said “sup”….that was it….”sup”…I thought..”Huh” is he asking what i want to do about supper??? Nah..that couldn’t be it….then it dawned on me…He was saying in a very abbreviated format “what’s up?” Really??…the man could not even put two words together? I told my friends it was over before it got off the ground….When they asked” why?” I simply said I couldn’t date a guy who couldn’t come up with more than three letters in a text. I mean….three freaking letters?? I guess that’s my problem. I set the bar too high…But “sup”?? really??? Maybe I’ll just get another dog.
New Endings 