According to wikipedia, the “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is a parlor game based on the “six degrees of separation” concept, which posits that any two people on Earth are six or fewer acquaintance links apart. Movie buffs would challenge each other to find the shortest path between an arbitrary actor and prolific actor Kevin Bacon. “
Nothing against Kevin Bacon, but rather than be interested in the six degrees that separate him from every other actor in Hollywood, I became very interested in the six degrees of the walrus, or rather my ex-husband Mark, who resembles a walrus in many ways…well actually only two. He has a huge bushy moustache, which used to be dark brown but is now completely white..so there is that. Then, his bellows bring to mind a perpetually agitated walrus and he bellowed a lot…I mean a lot…and did I mention he was really loud??? But I digress….. The six degrees of Mark has become a source of amusement to many of my friends, particularly Kathy, my dear friend who I first met when we were both trapped in Houston with our not yet exes. Kathy and her not yet ex moved up to NOVA a year before the walrus and me. Ironically, we also became divorced within a year of each other. After my divorce I had a penchant for blaming everything that went wrong in my life on Mark, the walrus…my ex. Sometimes it required some doing, but I could always find a connection.
For example, an easy connection would be blaming my near nervous breakdown at having to start a new job and attend grad school, while dealing with my youngest son’s depression, on the fact that my ex decided he wanted a new life, oh and along the way, couldn’t manage the simple act of keeping his fly zipped. If he had stayed true to his vows and we were still married, I would have been preparing for retirement and travel instead of having to begin a new career in my 50’s. Another easy connection would be when my brother was dying and my mother suffered a heart attack, I couldn’t take unlimited time off to be with my family, I also could blame my ex. Had we still been married, I wouldn’t have to be working a full time job and going to grad school leaving my weekends free and not having to worry about taking time off from a new job.
A less obvious but still within the realm of reason excuse to “blame Mark” came once when Kathy asked if I wanted to come by for a lazy weekend of watching chick flicks, drinking wine and eating junk food. What could be more relaxing? But alas, I couldn’t…I had progress reports due that Monday. Before the words were out of my mouth, Kathy said “I blame Mark”. See she got it….one of the many reasons I love her….had Mark not shattered our marriage vows, we would still have been married. We would have both been retired and well…you get it…I wouldn’t have progress reports due on Monday.
But there were times when even Kathy had some trouble understanding my six degrees of separation. Once when I was going bike riding with a former neighbor, I fell from my bike, hurting my knee and my wrist. When I went to work with my wrist wrapped and a limp, Kathy asked what happened and I told her. She looked sympathetic, but when I said “I blame Mark”, she looked a little puzzled, but ever the loyal friend said “Okay, of course I agree, but could you walk me through this one?” I explained to her that had I not gotten divorced, I would still be living in my old neighborhood and would be seeing my former neighbors on a daily basis. There would have been no reason to contact them and make a “Playdate”. Had I not agreed to come by and go for a bike ride, I never would have fallen. Since I had to plan to visit my former neighbors, instead of seeing them on a daily basis, it of course was Mark’s fault. Had it not been for the divorce, they would not be former neighbors….see?? It all ties in. Sorta….???
New Endings 